I'm sitting in my boyfriend's bed drinking coffee with splenda and passing the time till dinner with his parents. I'm wearing a silver velvet tank with a lace tank bra underneath and tight jeans with suede high heeled boots. I spent a ton of time on my hair and makeup, and not to toot my own horn but it looks damn good. I curled my lashes and put on a ton of mascara, and I blended together silver and taupe eye shadows with a matte grey in the crease and vibrant, royal blue liquid liner. I would love to become a makeup artist some day- it's something I absolutely love and I realize I'm good at.
Anyway, as far as I know I'm still 123 pounds- I exercised yesterday for a half hour and didnt binge or purge. I have a fantastic calorie counter/ diet planner on my phone so I know how much fat, calories, etc. I take in, plus it tracks my weight. I haven't been able to hop on the scale but I'm confident I haven't gained.
My bf is driving me mad- he gets so angry with everything I do. I wish he wasn't so angry, I wish he wasn't in pain, I wish a lot of things. I get so irritated by his bad moods and then when I snap at him he really has a reason to be angry with me. I just stop talking and try not to let him see me cry. When I first met him he wasn't like this. I know part of it is his work, his injury, but I wish he talked to me more, touched me more, cared about how I feel. I hope that things will get better with time. Sometimes he's so sweet, he does the nicest things for me, and then he'll go back to being silent and angry. I love him... But I just wish things were better.
Anyway, pray for me that I dont purge.
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