Oh : (

Oh god it hurts to watch this girl,
-these girls-
through sea glass
opaque with time and sadness.

I wipe away the water with fingers,
a careless touch,
and a body that doesn't shake.

I used to be sick, pushed inside-
                                                   out.
to touch, tell these trembling hearts,
there is more than your own death.
More than your small, pale limbs
clutched to a chest that no one thought to lock up.

Close your eyes to make it stop.

I watch and I am there
again
snake hands under the skirt feels it in the crook of her joint so sharp the spreading
and         then          explosion
    the      chemicals
on the     back of your     tongue
Brain beating, synapses snapping.

the day-nights that passed while you sat
alone.
A mother too young to suckle fear and despair.

And always
                  to the side: the longing.
private and ashamed

(the secret is that you didn't make a mistake)

You can tell the rest:
Take my hand!

The way out is not where you came in
This whole time, they didn't tell you

there was always another door.