First hint of a six pack

When I figure out how the heck to post photos on blogger I will put up a picture of my abs- that clen seriously got me in good shape. Now I just have to focus on melting off the rest of the fat. I didn't purge today which is good, but I have had a pounding headache all day. I'm really bummed out about my weight. I know I have gained some muscle tone from the Clen which is great, but I really want to see that number drop. I've only lost a few pounds. I know I need to be healthy but it's disappointing because healthy doesn't get results. My binge and purge fest yesterday resulted in one pound lost- more than I've lost the last week trying to avoid it.

 Realistically I know my BMI is at the lower end of the healthy weight spectrum- I can afford to lose a little under ten pounds before becoming truly underweight. Rationally I know that my body doesn't want to lose the fat because it's a healthy amount of fat. But the fact remains that parts of me are absolutely grotesque. It's hard to explain the choking panic I feel when I look at my huge, gelatinous ass. It's the sudden, deep knowledge that I look deformed. I want my ass and thighs to go away. They are so disproportionately huge compared to the rest of my body and my flat chest. Even my boyfriend commented that I'm "a skinny girl with a huge ass." 

I also learned that when you measure your hips, you are actually measuring around your butt. So my measurements have now leaped to 33-26-37.  That's just disgusting. Just kill me now.